update...

so...

here i sit, a typical sunday.... day spent in pensive contemplation in the park, since the weather was warm enough to brave the wind, and i'm feeling a little different than usual. despite figuring out somewhat of a solution, and an amazing opportunity at that, i find myself feeling a little sad that its the last sunday i'm going to spend in delores for a while.
but... breathing through the ebb and flow, i know i must let go to return.

my roommate right was poignant and right when he said its been a crazy couple of months.

so... i got the recreation instructor job at the summer camp here in the city. it starts as of mid june (i have training the 12th-15th and then the job begins), and so basically i'll be spending my summer outdoors, playing games and running around with little kids, which is pretty right on and up my alley. i'm really stoked to have this opportunity. plus, its here in the city... so i'll get to be around all of my loves and in my city, and I won't be missing PRIDE or any of the other summer craziness. plus i'll be local to try to get some of these creative projects going that i've started, and also to be setting myself up with a place to live and a job for fall.

in the meantime, i find myself at the end of april.... depleted of means after several months of living here without income... last week i was really stressing, and then suddenly it was like all of the tides started to turn. wednesday i got the call about the summer job, but it still left me in the predicament over what to do in the meantime, being without the ability to pay rent and seemingly nowhere to turn. so i started networking hardcore, looking for houses and pets to sit, branching out in my ideas about where to go, and how to do it. i did get responses, but also, my dear friends in san diego (love you brittany and benny) kept their eyes, hearts, and feelers out for me. britt suggested i chat with the manager of benny's restaurant, whom i'd been friendly with in the past, and seeing as they just fired two people, thought it might be possible for me to get in there. well, this past weekend i have been volunteering with the sustainable living road show (further expanding later.... might be a whole new direction for me), and next weekend I had already planned to go on the road with them to UC Riverside, followed by the Healing Arts Festival in San Diego. so now, rather than coming back on the bus with them on monday, i am going to remain in san diego for the next six weeks, staying with brittany and benny and making a little money to put aside for rent and living expenses once i get back up here to start work in the middle of june. i will have to return up here for a training on the last weekend in may, and will either stay up here at that point, or return to san diego to work another week and a half, depending on my situation at that time.

so i feel very blessed. and also highly pensive. a little sad, slightly subdued.... but not sardonic. i feel a letting go, a learning.... if there are things i've learned so far in this city, its these; things are not always as they seem, all things are perfect and all things go on, although excitement sets a precedent, it should not lead to expectation. keep your mind and heart open. really examine your value systems when making a decision to see if the decision you are making is useful on your path or beautiful to your experience, or if it coincides with what is important to you and in your heart. and most of all.... it is perfectly okay, acceptable, and honorable to chase your dreams. that this place at the end of the rainbow is full of endless possibilities and that it is the place where dreams come true. it is a place where people go because you can be not only tolerated, not only accepted, but completely celebrated for who it is that you are. no idea is too outlandish. the possibilities are ceaseless, and the pot of the gold at the end of the rainbow is all around you if your mind is open enough to see it. the rest of the world may not understand, but when you understand the desires of your own heart, it makes that all okay. other people's ideas about stability are their own ideas, their own hopes, their own dreams, their own desires. my own idea of stability represents a balance; of my emotions, my dreams, my desires, my passions, and fulfillment of all aspects of the self. it has to do with finding the dream, latching onto it, and never letting go, despite the trials and challenges that life may bring. it means finding strength when it seems there is none left. it's about finding the sunshine when it seems that the light has expired. and it's about knowing that i am exactly where i am supposed to be and that each moment is perfect. it's about remaining completely open, because when you do, absolutely amazing, incredible, unexpected and wonderful things fall into your path, knock your socks off, and take your breath away.

cheers to life, to new experiences, and the knowing that we all roll on okay.. :)
with light and love,
sarah

--
all that i need... music and peace and the gift of the trees