March 28 1983
5:30 PM Time Zone is EST
riverhead, NY
Rising Sign is in 00 Degrees Libra
Very attractive and popular, your charm helps you to get your own way and prevents others from getting angry with you. "Peace and harmony at all costs" is your battle cry. You always try to ameliorate or to cosmetically hide any physical ugliness or any angry feelings between people. Flashy, but not gaudy, you prefer to dress elegantly. You generally have good taste in music, art and literature. Beware of the tendency to compromise yourself in your attempt to be agreeable at all times. A bit of a social butterfly, at times you can be vain and lazy. For the most part, however, you are gracious and affectionate, and your refined and aristocratic demeanor serves as a role model to others.
Sun is in 07 Degrees Aries.
By nature, you are very energetic and high-spirited. You are fiercely independent -- you must be first in everything you do, and you enjoy taking risks. You are the one who will rush in where angels fear to tread. Quite brilliant at initiating new projects, you are terrible at following them through to completion. You are an enthusiastic leader but you tend to be a reluctant follower. Often you are quick to anger, but you usually recover just as fast, regretting later things you said when you were upset. One of your best traits is that you are simple and direct, blunt and honest -- just be careful you do not hurt others' feelings. Your need to be competitive at all costs may provoke resistance from others, but, as long as you maintain your usual Sunny good humor, this should not prove to be a major problem for you.
Moon is in 09 Degrees Libra.
Affectionate, warm and friendly, life must be a "beautiful" experience for you. Unpleasantness should be avoided at all costs. You tend to overlook other people's faults and you would rather give in than fight. You are uncomfortable with strangers, but at ease and sociable with friends and associates. Indeed, you would rather socialize than work -- you can use your prodigious charm to avoid unpleasant tasks. You need the support and assistance of another in order to get you started on any new project -- you are not a self-starter. Be careful of a tendency to be overly self-indulgent (i.e., lazy). Your refined aesthetic sensibilities attract you to music, dance, art and any other cultured activity.
Mercury is in 10 Degrees Aries.
Very quick-witted, you are known for being an independent thinker. You love to debate and argue, and are excellent at repartee and battles of wits. At times, however, you act too fast on hastily formed opinions and thus waste a lot of energy defending your rash and sometimes incorrect conclusions. It is perfectly acceptable for you to defend your beliefs with your usual vigor, but try not to take the opinions of others as personal insults.
Venus is in 11 Degrees Taurus.
You are known to be a warm and affectionate person, and you tend to form long- lasting attachments. The reverse of this is that you can also be quite possessive once you have made a commitment. The beauty, luxury and comfort of your surroundings are important to you and you will devote much time and energy to making your home just right. Beware of your tendency toward self-indulgence, especially with respect to eating incorrectly. You also need outside stimuli to get you in gear When things come too easily for you, you can be lazy and indolent.
Mars is in 24 Degrees Aries.
You are very independent and self-assertive, and you have lots of physical energy. You are not satisfied unless you can be the first to do something. As such, you are more comfortable in leadership positions than you are as an underling. When you are challenged by anyone for anything, you delight in the competitive process and will fight long and hard for your beliefs. You are bold and courageous and often act without thinking. At times, in your zeal to get ahead, you are tactless and offensive -- learn that cooperation with others can often bring you nearer to your goals quicker because of the support you will get.
Jupiter is in 10 Degrees Sagittarius.
You have a very strong sense of ethics and morality. You are widely read and may also be widely traveled because you are sincerely interested in expanding your knowledge of the world about you. At times, you have an annoying tendency to be self-righteous and preachy about your belief system. You are usually quite idealistic and you demand the right to be able to explore the entire world of experiences yourself. Remember to grant others the similar right -- be tolerant, not dogmatic.
Saturn is in 02 Degrees Scorpio.
You tend to release emotional energies only very reluctantly. This is partly due to your fear of what horrible calamity might occur should they be released -- your emotions are terribly complicated and intense. Try not to repress these energies entirely, however, or you will succumb to negative and destructive forms of compulsive behavior. Give yourself the freedom to look awkward or silly once in a while. The relief you feel will be quite therapeutic and the embarrassment (whether it is real or imagined) will pass quickly.
Uranus is in 09 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.
Neptune is in 29 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."
Pluto is in 28 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.
N. Node is in 28 Degrees Gemini.
You will consciously seek out many different contacts with others throughout your life. Many of these will be of very short duration, not necessarily because you're fickle, but just because you always seem to be more excited by the prospect of meeting someone new rather than prolonging your present relationships. At any rate, you will learn something new from almost everyone you come across -- intellectual stimulation is what you crave from others. You will be well known to neighbors and relatives, partly due to your curiosity about what they're doing -- you delight in keeping up-to-date about the latest news (and gossip).
Monday, August 3, 2009
i know i'm terrible with upkeep....
... but this was worth it to me to post.
iron and wine - trapeze artist
Please, remember me happily
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin, the time when
We counted every black car passing
Your house beneath the hill
And up until someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention
But please, remember me fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then they went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like "We'll meet again" and "Fuck the man"
And "Tell my mother not to worry"
And angels with their great handshakes
Were always done in such a hurry
And please, remember me that Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white
By midnight, we'd forgotten one another
And when the morning came I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world and then returned
And now you're lit up by the city
So please, remember me mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower
Calling passers-by but much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour
Gleam and resonate, just like the gates
Around the holy kingdom
With words like "Lost and found" and "Don't look down"
And "Someone save temptation"
And please, remember me as in the dream
We had as rug-burned babies
Among the fallen trees and fast asleep
Aside the lions and the ladies
That called you what you like and even might
Give a gift for your behavior
A fleeting chance to see a trapeze
Swinger high as any savior
But please, remember me, my misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain and chasing trains
The colored birds above their running
In circles around the well and where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter
So bright, on cinder gray, in spray paint
"Who the hell can see forever?"
And please, remember me seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees, you turned from me
And said, "The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last", the clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs, the parking lot
Had an element of danger
So please, remember me finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear, but if I make the pearly gates
I'll do my best to make a drawing
Of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl
An angel kissing on a sinner
A monkey and a man, a marching band
All around a frightened trapeze swinger
check the track (#11) at this wonderful playlist, made for wonderful me, by a wonderful someone:
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/17078623755
iron and wine - trapeze artist
Please, remember me happily
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin, the time when
We counted every black car passing
Your house beneath the hill
And up until someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention
But please, remember me fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then they went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like "We'll meet again" and "Fuck the man"
And "Tell my mother not to worry"
And angels with their great handshakes
Were always done in such a hurry
And please, remember me that Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white
By midnight, we'd forgotten one another
And when the morning came I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world and then returned
And now you're lit up by the city
So please, remember me mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower
Calling passers-by but much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour
Gleam and resonate, just like the gates
Around the holy kingdom
With words like "Lost and found" and "Don't look down"
And "Someone save temptation"
And please, remember me as in the dream
We had as rug-burned babies
Among the fallen trees and fast asleep
Aside the lions and the ladies
That called you what you like and even might
Give a gift for your behavior
A fleeting chance to see a trapeze
Swinger high as any savior
But please, remember me, my misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain and chasing trains
The colored birds above their running
In circles around the well and where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter
So bright, on cinder gray, in spray paint
"Who the hell can see forever?"
And please, remember me seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees, you turned from me
And said, "The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last", the clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs, the parking lot
Had an element of danger
So please, remember me finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear, but if I make the pearly gates
I'll do my best to make a drawing
Of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl
An angel kissing on a sinner
A monkey and a man, a marching band
All around a frightened trapeze swinger
check the track (#11) at this wonderful playlist, made for wonderful me, by a wonderful someone:
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/17078623755
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
mas fotos...
http://picasaweb.google.com/sarah.e.wells
updated pics.... summer in san diego and cemetary party in oakland!
updated pics.... summer in san diego and cemetary party in oakland!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
(thanks chelsea :)
I look out my window
To find all my peers
Asleep in the willows
Crawling through my years
Death is a motion, for life to let go
Love is a potion, to give your life a soul
Destination still unknown
And the moments almost gone
Nights all been spoken
Beats on the drum
My spirits evokin’
The power of the sun
Rhyme and the rhythm
The two and the throw
The hypnotic prisms, never let me go
Destination still unknown
And the band marches on
And the band marches on
And the band marches on
Straight through the oceans
The rivers and streams
Lightning’s in motion, electrifyin’ dreams
Words are the wisdom
The seeds to be sown
Mother forgive them
We are almost home
Destination still unknown
And the band marches on
And the band marches on
And the band marches on
To find all my peers
Asleep in the willows
Crawling through my years
Death is a motion, for life to let go
Love is a potion, to give your life a soul
Destination still unknown
And the moments almost gone
Nights all been spoken
Beats on the drum
My spirits evokin’
The power of the sun
Rhyme and the rhythm
The two and the throw
The hypnotic prisms, never let me go
Destination still unknown
And the band marches on
And the band marches on
And the band marches on
Straight through the oceans
The rivers and streams
Lightning’s in motion, electrifyin’ dreams
Words are the wisdom
The seeds to be sown
Mother forgive them
We are almost home
Destination still unknown
And the band marches on
And the band marches on
And the band marches on
Monday, April 27, 2009
how could i possibly not be disappointed?
Nothing has ever met my expectations, since nothing could compete with my doctoring imagination, my pathetic compulsion to make the world quainter, funnier, kinder, and more mysterious than it actually was.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
update...
so...
here i sit, a typical sunday.... day spent in pensive contemplation in the park, since the weather was warm enough to brave the wind, and i'm feeling a little different than usual. despite figuring out somewhat of a solution, and an amazing opportunity at that, i find myself feeling a little sad that its the last sunday i'm going to spend in delores for a while.
but... breathing through the ebb and flow, i know i must let go to return.
my roommate right was poignant and right when he said its been a crazy couple of months.
so... i got the recreation instructor job at the summer camp here in the city. it starts as of mid june (i have training the 12th-15th and then the job begins), and so basically i'll be spending my summer outdoors, playing games and running around with little kids, which is pretty right on and up my alley. i'm really stoked to have this opportunity. plus, its here in the city... so i'll get to be around all of my loves and in my city, and I won't be missing PRIDE or any of the other summer craziness. plus i'll be local to try to get some of these creative projects going that i've started, and also to be setting myself up with a place to live and a job for fall.
in the meantime, i find myself at the end of april.... depleted of means after several months of living here without income... last week i was really stressing, and then suddenly it was like all of the tides started to turn. wednesday i got the call about the summer job, but it still left me in the predicament over what to do in the meantime, being without the ability to pay rent and seemingly nowhere to turn. so i started networking hardcore, looking for houses and pets to sit, branching out in my ideas about where to go, and how to do it. i did get responses, but also, my dear friends in san diego (love you brittany and benny) kept their eyes, hearts, and feelers out for me. britt suggested i chat with the manager of benny's restaurant, whom i'd been friendly with in the past, and seeing as they just fired two people, thought it might be possible for me to get in there. well, this past weekend i have been volunteering with the sustainable living road show (further expanding later.... might be a whole new direction for me), and next weekend I had already planned to go on the road with them to UC Riverside, followed by the Healing Arts Festival in San Diego. so now, rather than coming back on the bus with them on monday, i am going to remain in san diego for the next six weeks, staying with brittany and benny and making a little money to put aside for rent and living expenses once i get back up here to start work in the middle of june. i will have to return up here for a training on the last weekend in may, and will either stay up here at that point, or return to san diego to work another week and a half, depending on my situation at that time.
so i feel very blessed. and also highly pensive. a little sad, slightly subdued.... but not sardonic. i feel a letting go, a learning.... if there are things i've learned so far in this city, its these; things are not always as they seem, all things are perfect and all things go on, although excitement sets a precedent, it should not lead to expectation. keep your mind and heart open. really examine your value systems when making a decision to see if the decision you are making is useful on your path or beautiful to your experience, or if it coincides with what is important to you and in your heart. and most of all.... it is perfectly okay, acceptable, and honorable to chase your dreams. that this place at the end of the rainbow is full of endless possibilities and that it is the place where dreams come true. it is a place where people go because you can be not only tolerated, not only accepted, but completely celebrated for who it is that you are. no idea is too outlandish. the possibilities are ceaseless, and the pot of the gold at the end of the rainbow is all around you if your mind is open enough to see it. the rest of the world may not understand, but when you understand the desires of your own heart, it makes that all okay. other people's ideas about stability are their own ideas, their own hopes, their own dreams, their own desires. my own idea of stability represents a balance; of my emotions, my dreams, my desires, my passions, and fulfillment of all aspects of the self. it has to do with finding the dream, latching onto it, and never letting go, despite the trials and challenges that life may bring. it means finding strength when it seems there is none left. it's about finding the sunshine when it seems that the light has expired. and it's about knowing that i am exactly where i am supposed to be and that each moment is perfect. it's about remaining completely open, because when you do, absolutely amazing, incredible, unexpected and wonderful things fall into your path, knock your socks off, and take your breath away.
cheers to life, to new experiences, and the knowing that we all roll on okay.. :)
with light and love,
sarah
--
all that i need... music and peace and the gift of the trees
here i sit, a typical sunday.... day spent in pensive contemplation in the park, since the weather was warm enough to brave the wind, and i'm feeling a little different than usual. despite figuring out somewhat of a solution, and an amazing opportunity at that, i find myself feeling a little sad that its the last sunday i'm going to spend in delores for a while.
but... breathing through the ebb and flow, i know i must let go to return.
my roommate right was poignant and right when he said its been a crazy couple of months.
so... i got the recreation instructor job at the summer camp here in the city. it starts as of mid june (i have training the 12th-15th and then the job begins), and so basically i'll be spending my summer outdoors, playing games and running around with little kids, which is pretty right on and up my alley. i'm really stoked to have this opportunity. plus, its here in the city... so i'll get to be around all of my loves and in my city, and I won't be missing PRIDE or any of the other summer craziness. plus i'll be local to try to get some of these creative projects going that i've started, and also to be setting myself up with a place to live and a job for fall.
in the meantime, i find myself at the end of april.... depleted of means after several months of living here without income... last week i was really stressing, and then suddenly it was like all of the tides started to turn. wednesday i got the call about the summer job, but it still left me in the predicament over what to do in the meantime, being without the ability to pay rent and seemingly nowhere to turn. so i started networking hardcore, looking for houses and pets to sit, branching out in my ideas about where to go, and how to do it. i did get responses, but also, my dear friends in san diego (love you brittany and benny) kept their eyes, hearts, and feelers out for me. britt suggested i chat with the manager of benny's restaurant, whom i'd been friendly with in the past, and seeing as they just fired two people, thought it might be possible for me to get in there. well, this past weekend i have been volunteering with the sustainable living road show (further expanding later.... might be a whole new direction for me), and next weekend I had already planned to go on the road with them to UC Riverside, followed by the Healing Arts Festival in San Diego. so now, rather than coming back on the bus with them on monday, i am going to remain in san diego for the next six weeks, staying with brittany and benny and making a little money to put aside for rent and living expenses once i get back up here to start work in the middle of june. i will have to return up here for a training on the last weekend in may, and will either stay up here at that point, or return to san diego to work another week and a half, depending on my situation at that time.
so i feel very blessed. and also highly pensive. a little sad, slightly subdued.... but not sardonic. i feel a letting go, a learning.... if there are things i've learned so far in this city, its these; things are not always as they seem, all things are perfect and all things go on, although excitement sets a precedent, it should not lead to expectation. keep your mind and heart open. really examine your value systems when making a decision to see if the decision you are making is useful on your path or beautiful to your experience, or if it coincides with what is important to you and in your heart. and most of all.... it is perfectly okay, acceptable, and honorable to chase your dreams. that this place at the end of the rainbow is full of endless possibilities and that it is the place where dreams come true. it is a place where people go because you can be not only tolerated, not only accepted, but completely celebrated for who it is that you are. no idea is too outlandish. the possibilities are ceaseless, and the pot of the gold at the end of the rainbow is all around you if your mind is open enough to see it. the rest of the world may not understand, but when you understand the desires of your own heart, it makes that all okay. other people's ideas about stability are their own ideas, their own hopes, their own dreams, their own desires. my own idea of stability represents a balance; of my emotions, my dreams, my desires, my passions, and fulfillment of all aspects of the self. it has to do with finding the dream, latching onto it, and never letting go, despite the trials and challenges that life may bring. it means finding strength when it seems there is none left. it's about finding the sunshine when it seems that the light has expired. and it's about knowing that i am exactly where i am supposed to be and that each moment is perfect. it's about remaining completely open, because when you do, absolutely amazing, incredible, unexpected and wonderful things fall into your path, knock your socks off, and take your breath away.
cheers to life, to new experiences, and the knowing that we all roll on okay.. :)
with light and love,
sarah
--
all that i need... music and peace and the gift of the trees
Saturday, April 18, 2009
standin' standin' standin' in yo stuff!
this was just sent to me again..... i needed a little reminder that when things get hard, put it in the dumpsta!!
http://www.iclips.net/content.php?content_id=23550
check out track 7: standin' in yo stuff. see if you recognize anyone ;)
*sigh* how long til jam cruise???....
http://www.iclips.net/content.php?content_id=23550
check out track 7: standin' in yo stuff. see if you recognize anyone ;)
*sigh* how long til jam cruise???....
Friday, April 17, 2009
i don't even know where to start...
.... to catch up with all of this, so i'm just going to post some updated pics of random sidewalk art.... and others.
enjoy :)
enjoy :)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
dearest unrequited love...
i dreamt last night that i gave a boy my journal. it was a particular boy, now that i think back at the dream, but i don't feel his identity was as poignant as the symbolism thereof, although i'm not exactly sure what it means.
i was told by one of my roommates that venus is in retrograde, and although the full meaning of that is unbeknownst to me, i know that it is having an effect on me and my emotions.
i think this new moon is bringing with it a new start.... a release from the anchor i apparently trudged with me all the way across this nation... and one that even reached across an ocean. after deleting several numbers from my phone the other night, in a brilliant move of drunken clarity, tonight, i felt compelled to write one of them a letter in my journal. i decided to type it up and send it to him. and now, for some reason, i feel compelled to share it with you.
it's one in the morning and I'm writing you this letter because i've decided its in my better interest to delete your number and attempt not to contact you.
of course, it would be too easy if the universe just gave me a break..... instead, i'm midway through the 4th book in my favorite new book series, and the main character has taken off to London and is starting a torrid love affair with a much younger fellow.... and they mention Leeds, no less.
i really don't know what to feel right now.
i really do believe that we have a special connection and i do believe that you care about me...
but i don't know whether to feel misled, naive, or both.
Naive. well, i've never had a romance with a musician before... and certainly not with a foreigner twice my age, but although i do get a good vibe, and although i do think you have a good heart, you've definitely played some peculiar mindgames that i feel have tried to be put on me.
you haven't called or text, but have attempted, via email, to act as if you had.
you suggested i come to see you, offered to fly me to do so, asked me to look into it, and then never spoke about it again. and when i let you know i felt neglected, you acted as if i had been the one blowing you off....and went into this whole sob story about your five month old son and his pissed off mother, who you live with....and neither of which i knew about until last week.
maybe i was so completely naive to think i'm the only girl you have on the side.
i'd like to think that if i knew all of this upfront, i wouldn't have gotten involved, but i can't say that for sure.
maybe that says something about my character.
about my reckless excitement for new, enticing experiences and connection.
but i do think it says something about yours, and i wish you could have been more honest with me about your truth, motivations, and desires.
just so you know, it was never about the fact that you're a musician.
sure, it's always about the music, but this was about you. your statuesque form. the way you make love to your "bass guitar". your foreign approach and methodic disdain. the way you make love like a hungry, eager animal.
the way we stared into each other's eyes unexpectedly that first night, and every night we've gotten a chance since.
i will miss you.
i'll miss your presence and your sexy seeming detachment. i will miss your words i can't understand, and your jokes i don't get.
i will miss your massive hands and the way you send kisses via email like a ten year old child.
but most of all, i will miss the feeling that i was uniquely special to you.
i will always cherish the fact that this big, big world can seem so suddenly small as to bring such vastly different souls together.
i wish you all of the happiness in the world, and i wish for myself the clarity and strength to not get myself emotionally invested in someone so obviously unavailable as you.
i hope that we meet again in the future, perhaps on that particular island paradise we dream of.
'til then, i will miss your eyes.
with love and disdain,
sarah
i was told by one of my roommates that venus is in retrograde, and although the full meaning of that is unbeknownst to me, i know that it is having an effect on me and my emotions.
i think this new moon is bringing with it a new start.... a release from the anchor i apparently trudged with me all the way across this nation... and one that even reached across an ocean. after deleting several numbers from my phone the other night, in a brilliant move of drunken clarity, tonight, i felt compelled to write one of them a letter in my journal. i decided to type it up and send it to him. and now, for some reason, i feel compelled to share it with you.
it's one in the morning and I'm writing you this letter because i've decided its in my better interest to delete your number and attempt not to contact you.
of course, it would be too easy if the universe just gave me a break..... instead, i'm midway through the 4th book in my favorite new book series, and the main character has taken off to London and is starting a torrid love affair with a much younger fellow.... and they mention Leeds, no less.
i really don't know what to feel right now.
i really do believe that we have a special connection and i do believe that you care about me...
but i don't know whether to feel misled, naive, or both.
Naive. well, i've never had a romance with a musician before... and certainly not with a foreigner twice my age, but although i do get a good vibe, and although i do think you have a good heart, you've definitely played some peculiar mindgames that i feel have tried to be put on me.
you haven't called or text, but have attempted, via email, to act as if you had.
you suggested i come to see you, offered to fly me to do so, asked me to look into it, and then never spoke about it again. and when i let you know i felt neglected, you acted as if i had been the one blowing you off....and went into this whole sob story about your five month old son and his pissed off mother, who you live with....and neither of which i knew about until last week.
maybe i was so completely naive to think i'm the only girl you have on the side.
i'd like to think that if i knew all of this upfront, i wouldn't have gotten involved, but i can't say that for sure.
maybe that says something about my character.
about my reckless excitement for new, enticing experiences and connection.
but i do think it says something about yours, and i wish you could have been more honest with me about your truth, motivations, and desires.
just so you know, it was never about the fact that you're a musician.
sure, it's always about the music, but this was about you. your statuesque form. the way you make love to your "bass guitar". your foreign approach and methodic disdain. the way you make love like a hungry, eager animal.
the way we stared into each other's eyes unexpectedly that first night, and every night we've gotten a chance since.
i will miss you.
i'll miss your presence and your sexy seeming detachment. i will miss your words i can't understand, and your jokes i don't get.
i will miss your massive hands and the way you send kisses via email like a ten year old child.
but most of all, i will miss the feeling that i was uniquely special to you.
i will always cherish the fact that this big, big world can seem so suddenly small as to bring such vastly different souls together.
i wish you all of the happiness in the world, and i wish for myself the clarity and strength to not get myself emotionally invested in someone so obviously unavailable as you.
i hope that we meet again in the future, perhaps on that particular island paradise we dream of.
'til then, i will miss your eyes.
with love and disdain,
sarah
Sunday, March 22, 2009
the intricacies of a city....
i feel so blessed to have the introduction to this city that i do.
i'm blessed with a home, full of zany, amazing, unique and horrendously fun souls, including.. but certainly not limited to... a very amazing, very new, very close friend. i've decided its a complete waste of energy to sweat the small stuff, and that my intuition is keen and that i need to have trust in the universe that things are exactly as they should be. worry and angst about the past or future does nothing conducive to my journey.. all it does is take me out of the present moment, and the present moment is inevitable.
money is an important thing, but it comes... just like everything else.
last nights party was AMAZING. the pics are uploading now and will be posted soon.... but a quadruple birthday celebration with a "Dress to the Nines" theme. super sexy dance party in the living room, amazing souls all around.
i'm really a completely blessed girl.
so what can i say about the zany-ness of this city?? like my emotional state at present, it changes everyday and constantly keeps one on their toes. the last few days have led way to a weather of gloom, a respite from the sunny weather that actually caused me to sweat for the first time since moving here a few days ago. today is completely different, bringing back with it the sun. i do believe the sun is also shining because its joseph's (and apparently Jade's) birthday... and my Brit brat is coming tonight with my benny ben. nothing like life-long friends to bring joy and perspective to life.
in spite of the constantly biting wind, i've taken on this incessant look of long shorts combined with long socks.... which has apparently provided me with unexpected notariety and attention. one cute boy buzzed by me on a moped yesterday as i was leaving home, screaming "I LIKE YOUR STYLE!!!" as he rode on by.
all i could think is "let me borrow those Converse".
kelly green mind you. they're on my list of "things i want to purchase once i have a job"
on that front, i had two interviews at the same place and was feeling promising about that endeavor, although i haven't heard back. I'm going to call tomorrow so that I know for sure one way or the other. In the meantime, a possible tutoring opportunity has fallen in my lap. extremely good pay for the hours.... and the odd thing is that it would equal the EXACT amount of money I told Joseph that I would need for the next few months to cover hostel rent, food, and my monthly MUNI pass.
hmmmmmmmmm....... serendipitous??
more later
x
sarah
i'm blessed with a home, full of zany, amazing, unique and horrendously fun souls, including.. but certainly not limited to... a very amazing, very new, very close friend. i've decided its a complete waste of energy to sweat the small stuff, and that my intuition is keen and that i need to have trust in the universe that things are exactly as they should be. worry and angst about the past or future does nothing conducive to my journey.. all it does is take me out of the present moment, and the present moment is inevitable.
money is an important thing, but it comes... just like everything else.
last nights party was AMAZING. the pics are uploading now and will be posted soon.... but a quadruple birthday celebration with a "Dress to the Nines" theme. super sexy dance party in the living room, amazing souls all around.
i'm really a completely blessed girl.
so what can i say about the zany-ness of this city?? like my emotional state at present, it changes everyday and constantly keeps one on their toes. the last few days have led way to a weather of gloom, a respite from the sunny weather that actually caused me to sweat for the first time since moving here a few days ago. today is completely different, bringing back with it the sun. i do believe the sun is also shining because its joseph's (and apparently Jade's) birthday... and my Brit brat is coming tonight with my benny ben. nothing like life-long friends to bring joy and perspective to life.
in spite of the constantly biting wind, i've taken on this incessant look of long shorts combined with long socks.... which has apparently provided me with unexpected notariety and attention. one cute boy buzzed by me on a moped yesterday as i was leaving home, screaming "I LIKE YOUR STYLE!!!" as he rode on by.
all i could think is "let me borrow those Converse".
kelly green mind you. they're on my list of "things i want to purchase once i have a job"
on that front, i had two interviews at the same place and was feeling promising about that endeavor, although i haven't heard back. I'm going to call tomorrow so that I know for sure one way or the other. In the meantime, a possible tutoring opportunity has fallen in my lap. extremely good pay for the hours.... and the odd thing is that it would equal the EXACT amount of money I told Joseph that I would need for the next few months to cover hostel rent, food, and my monthly MUNI pass.
hmmmmmmmmm....... serendipitous??
more later
x
sarah
Saturday, March 21, 2009
emotionally woebegone
woebegone
adjective
1. worn and broken down by hard use
i felt slightly enthralled to discover this word this week, because it accurately and perfectly defines my emotional state over the last week or so.
right now, i'm sitting in a coffee shop, several blocks from my house, attempting to update the status of my emotions and why i've felt so emotionally tattered due to this incessant roller coaster of ups and downs. everything in my life is always so extreme, and as much as it makes my life the full, enriched, thrilling experience that it is.... it makes the lows really fucking shitty. i wouldn't trade my ability to feel and feel fully for anything in the world..... but on weeks like this especially, it makes me feel emotionally bipolar.
so i've basically broken things off with matt. in the spirit of attempting to be open, honest, and communicative about an extraneous relationship, i found myself in an all-too-familiar place... that being one where my lover tended to have the emotional upperhand in the relationship, making the foundation seemingly inequivocal at best. i didn't really expect to come to so many realizations, while spouting off my emotional diatribe at jen over the course of an hour last week (thanks again), but i realized that something felt very familiar. and i was reminded of my last relationship where i expended so much energy wondering where the other person was at mentally, emotionally, and what page they were on when it came to being invested in the relationship.
((just had to take a break to add half and half to my tea, check out the dready boy in the suit jacket at the counter, and to put on my headphones and music because the man next to me at the cafe is insisting on blasting his nostril phlegm so frequently, loudly, and profusely thats its making me feel as if i'm back in china in the wintertime..... yuck))
anyhow.... to sum it up, its just been a really fucking emotional week. i do feel and realize that i am quite blessed to have been so aware this time, that I saw the red flags this early in... before i had invested more time and energy. and before i had given so much of myself that there wasn't anything left. apparently, my heart and soul and path was determined not to make this Brian #2. so in retrospect, as destroying as that relationship was to my soul and psyche, i feel extreme gratitude to the growth and perception it has prompted within my journey. so, thanks B.
on top of all of this, i'm still jobless at this moment (awaiting a call from the place i had two interviews and felt really positive about), which is stressful. i was chatting up one of the twins in the kitchen this morning, and she said "San Francisco tries to kick everyone out. it tried with me. but i was like 'fuck you' and didn't let it. and here i am". so at least that was insightful and worth a good laugh for the morning over my second saucer of earl grey. besides that, she gave me a lead on this section of craigslist that i didn't know about, called "gigs", which is temporary jobs/events/what not for some cash. seems promising, or at least another lead. i told joseph that WHEN we get these teaching jobs for the fall (we'll know by the end of the month about the interview, and the end of next if we made it through..... which i know in my heart is whats going to happen), all i really need is to make $750 to $800 a month for now, until we move into our place. 500 for my months rent, the rest for a muni pass and food. and Jen booked us in the hostel until June, so its ours if we want it.
as impatient as i am (i like to say i'm working on it, but i'm not really) i'd like to believe that the reason i'm having such a bitch of a time finding a job is because when the right one comes along, its going to throw itself at my feet.
on top of that, i had my first tarot reading, followed by a brief reiki session.... and it was so right on, and indescribable, and life altering.
i know that i'm in need of a serious cleanse... of the body, mind, emotions and soul. i'm going to start by getting rid of myspace, i've deleted a few numbers from my phone, i'm going to lay off on the drinking (because its went from being fun, to making me feel extremely depressed), and after I get back from Florida, I'm going to do a physical cleanse, as I know its not feasible before then with my birthday/travel/the wedding.
thanks for gracing me with your eyes and presence. send me your prayers and positive vibes.
love and peace.
adjective
1. worn and broken down by hard use
i felt slightly enthralled to discover this word this week, because it accurately and perfectly defines my emotional state over the last week or so.
right now, i'm sitting in a coffee shop, several blocks from my house, attempting to update the status of my emotions and why i've felt so emotionally tattered due to this incessant roller coaster of ups and downs. everything in my life is always so extreme, and as much as it makes my life the full, enriched, thrilling experience that it is.... it makes the lows really fucking shitty. i wouldn't trade my ability to feel and feel fully for anything in the world..... but on weeks like this especially, it makes me feel emotionally bipolar.
so i've basically broken things off with matt. in the spirit of attempting to be open, honest, and communicative about an extraneous relationship, i found myself in an all-too-familiar place... that being one where my lover tended to have the emotional upperhand in the relationship, making the foundation seemingly inequivocal at best. i didn't really expect to come to so many realizations, while spouting off my emotional diatribe at jen over the course of an hour last week (thanks again), but i realized that something felt very familiar. and i was reminded of my last relationship where i expended so much energy wondering where the other person was at mentally, emotionally, and what page they were on when it came to being invested in the relationship.
((just had to take a break to add half and half to my tea, check out the dready boy in the suit jacket at the counter, and to put on my headphones and music because the man next to me at the cafe is insisting on blasting his nostril phlegm so frequently, loudly, and profusely thats its making me feel as if i'm back in china in the wintertime..... yuck))
anyhow.... to sum it up, its just been a really fucking emotional week. i do feel and realize that i am quite blessed to have been so aware this time, that I saw the red flags this early in... before i had invested more time and energy. and before i had given so much of myself that there wasn't anything left. apparently, my heart and soul and path was determined not to make this Brian #2. so in retrospect, as destroying as that relationship was to my soul and psyche, i feel extreme gratitude to the growth and perception it has prompted within my journey. so, thanks B.
on top of all of this, i'm still jobless at this moment (awaiting a call from the place i had two interviews and felt really positive about), which is stressful. i was chatting up one of the twins in the kitchen this morning, and she said "San Francisco tries to kick everyone out. it tried with me. but i was like 'fuck you' and didn't let it. and here i am". so at least that was insightful and worth a good laugh for the morning over my second saucer of earl grey. besides that, she gave me a lead on this section of craigslist that i didn't know about, called "gigs", which is temporary jobs/events/what not for some cash. seems promising, or at least another lead. i told joseph that WHEN we get these teaching jobs for the fall (we'll know by the end of the month about the interview, and the end of next if we made it through..... which i know in my heart is whats going to happen), all i really need is to make $750 to $800 a month for now, until we move into our place. 500 for my months rent, the rest for a muni pass and food. and Jen booked us in the hostel until June, so its ours if we want it.
as impatient as i am (i like to say i'm working on it, but i'm not really) i'd like to believe that the reason i'm having such a bitch of a time finding a job is because when the right one comes along, its going to throw itself at my feet.
on top of that, i had my first tarot reading, followed by a brief reiki session.... and it was so right on, and indescribable, and life altering.
i know that i'm in need of a serious cleanse... of the body, mind, emotions and soul. i'm going to start by getting rid of myspace, i've deleted a few numbers from my phone, i'm going to lay off on the drinking (because its went from being fun, to making me feel extremely depressed), and after I get back from Florida, I'm going to do a physical cleanse, as I know its not feasible before then with my birthday/travel/the wedding.
thanks for gracing me with your eyes and presence. send me your prayers and positive vibes.
love and peace.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
so it's halfway til one in the morning here. i'm lying on my stomach, pondering, listening to the accordian player who lives next door resonate through the walls...and i'm crying again.
i find myself in a familiar place.... a similar landscape, except this time, my awareness allowed me to see the path before making the long and painstaking climb to the top only to fall off the precipice.
only its different now. as much as these tears smear my cheeks, and as painful as parting can be, the truth of the matter is that i'm compiling my wings, feather by feather.... forming this cocoon, strand by strand. but i will no longer crawl. i will no longer be encased. i will spend some solitary time in the darkness, and i will emerge, wings spread, full flight, taking to the air with the shimmering gorgeousness of the suns reflection .... smiling down on me as it says.... "see little one. i told you that you were a butterfly. in your heart you knew it all along. and now, you shall never return to the ground, for it is your turn to fly"
i'm going to sleep on this for tonight. there is much to be written, but it will have to wait until tomorrow.
in the meantime, to prevent this from happening in my life, i'm going to quote bukowski with each new person i meet. off the bat. and if they can't agree to it, well guess what?? these wings don't need anchors.
crawl on, oh earthbound ones. but this girl belongs to the sky.
"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise don't even start."
-Charles Bukowski
i find myself in a familiar place.... a similar landscape, except this time, my awareness allowed me to see the path before making the long and painstaking climb to the top only to fall off the precipice.
only its different now. as much as these tears smear my cheeks, and as painful as parting can be, the truth of the matter is that i'm compiling my wings, feather by feather.... forming this cocoon, strand by strand. but i will no longer crawl. i will no longer be encased. i will spend some solitary time in the darkness, and i will emerge, wings spread, full flight, taking to the air with the shimmering gorgeousness of the suns reflection .... smiling down on me as it says.... "see little one. i told you that you were a butterfly. in your heart you knew it all along. and now, you shall never return to the ground, for it is your turn to fly"
i'm going to sleep on this for tonight. there is much to be written, but it will have to wait until tomorrow.
in the meantime, to prevent this from happening in my life, i'm going to quote bukowski with each new person i meet. off the bat. and if they can't agree to it, well guess what?? these wings don't need anchors.
crawl on, oh earthbound ones. but this girl belongs to the sky.
"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise don't even start."
-Charles Bukowski
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
cover me....
so, i needed to hear this song today....because its one of those pensive/depresso all-time favorites. so i youtubed Bon Iver, who sings it, and found this amazing rendition by this beautifully talented hottie. what a gem! enjoy!
**figured i'd add the lyrics in below... since they're so poetic. and always so fucking pertinent in my life when it comes to love and being pensive. especially yesterday.
I am my mother's only one
It's enough
I wear my garment so it shows
Now you know
Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon
I am my mother on the wall, with us all
I move in water, shore to shore;
Nothing's more
Only love is all maroon
Lapping lakes like leary loons
Leaving rope burns --
Reddish ruse
Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon
**figured i'd add the lyrics in below... since they're so poetic. and always so fucking pertinent in my life when it comes to love and being pensive. especially yesterday.
I am my mother's only one
It's enough
I wear my garment so it shows
Now you know
Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon
I am my mother on the wall, with us all
I move in water, shore to shore;
Nothing's more
Only love is all maroon
Lapping lakes like leary loons
Leaving rope burns --
Reddish ruse
Only love is all maroon
Gluey feathers on a flume
Sky is womb and she's the moon
Saturday, March 14, 2009
hide and seek
lyrics for the day
(can't embed the video... but it can be seen by at the address listed below:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cpSv2mNhhc
Where are we? What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to fall,
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy.
Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years they were here first.
Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before.
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.
Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears,
They were here first.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.
Mmm what you say?
What did she say?
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
(can't embed the video... but it can be seen by at the address listed below:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cpSv2mNhhc
Where are we? What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to fall,
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy.
Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years they were here first.
Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before.
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.
Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears,
They were here first.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.
Mmm what you say?
What did she say?
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
san fran, so far
familiarity:
patalones por mujeres like me :)
old and cold
what the???
afternoon at mission delores, and its cemetery
the women's building
my first PO box and san francisco address
my new 'hood
new abode, to march and beyond....
balmy alley murals:
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