so.... i just decided to make up a word to represent my newest realization....in spite of this overwhelming overload of emotion... i have decided that i made the previous post into a type of third person novel when posted, despite the fact that when i wrote it at the moment, scribbled onto a scrap paper in loathed black pen, and later, when it was thirdly transcribed into my journal in beloved blue... the post i made here in between was third person. and impersonal. and i am neither of the two. so here, in first person... in the spirit of honesty and sharing, is the actual original writing... from my experience, and from my heart:
la noche de la musica magica
"i can still taste you on my lips"...,
i read in my phone, as my eyes graced the first words beheld by the morning light.
only hours ago, we had been left alone for a few moments, and compelled by the moment and the depth of her eyes, i interrupted our frivolous chatter to ask if i could kiss her.
once our lips touched, the all-too-familiar but somehow forgotten feeling washed over me, and i had to first catch my breath, then catch myself and remind myself to ... slow...down.
i always got so eager around her... and our kiss reinstilled in me a sense of immediacy and urgency
she sighed and looked into my eyes and as she began to speak, i realized i was already nodding in agreeance, to the words not yet spoken, but mutually understood.
"you know that feeling where music just reverberates throughout you?" she said, hand on chest, me still nodding...
"thats how it feels to kiss you..."
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
fade into you...
something happened that magical evening. blame it on the breathy, exotic, drawn out ending of that song... falling... falling... falling...
'i can still taste you on my lips'... she read, as her eyes adjusted to the first morning light, and grazed the acquaintance of a late night text message. what a way to start the day.
what started as a regular evening began subtle, music turned the night magical, and left alone for a moment she felt compelled by the moment and by the depth of her eyes to interrupt the frivolous chatter and ask if she could kiss her...
once their lips touched, the all-too-familiar, but somehow forgotten feeling washed over again, and she had to catch her breath, then catch herself and remind herself to... slow... down...
she always got so eager around her.... and this kiss instilled again within her a sense of immediacy and urgency
just when she didn't think she could take it anymore, the other began to speak. she realized that she was already nodding in agreement to the words not yet spoken, but somehow prematurely and mutually understood:
"you know that feeling where music just reverberates throughout you...?" the other inquired, melodically, hand on chest, as she continued nodding....
"...that's how it feels to kiss you"
i think its strange you never knew.
'i can still taste you on my lips'... she read, as her eyes adjusted to the first morning light, and grazed the acquaintance of a late night text message. what a way to start the day.
what started as a regular evening began subtle, music turned the night magical, and left alone for a moment she felt compelled by the moment and by the depth of her eyes to interrupt the frivolous chatter and ask if she could kiss her...
once their lips touched, the all-too-familiar, but somehow forgotten feeling washed over again, and she had to catch her breath, then catch herself and remind herself to... slow... down...
she always got so eager around her.... and this kiss instilled again within her a sense of immediacy and urgency
just when she didn't think she could take it anymore, the other began to speak. she realized that she was already nodding in agreement to the words not yet spoken, but somehow prematurely and mutually understood:
"you know that feeling where music just reverberates throughout you...?" the other inquired, melodically, hand on chest, as she continued nodding....
"...that's how it feels to kiss you"
i think its strange you never knew.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
sarah's 25 random things...
this beautiful and blogtastic writing activity was presented to me by the beautiful jade. i am very grateful for this opportunity to share and write, and i look forward to your responses.
Rules: Once you've read this.... respond with your random 25, if you feel so compelled. i'm only asking because i'm incessantly interested in engulfing myself in you ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. i was named by a random stranger who appeared to console my unmarried, teenage, distraught mother who was crying on a park bench on long island. according to her, he was an angel. and i believe her
2. i am consistently fascinated with the ability of my mind and heart to possess a flamboyant idea/desire, and then run for the hills with it
3. i will one day obtain a PhD. i have absolutely no time frame or course of action for said endeavor. it is also no attempt at notariety, other than to further my goal of life-long learning, and to be able to share that with others.
4. over the last year and a half, i've unintentionally created this sunday-is-do-nothing-but-pleasurable-laziness-day. i plan on keeping this.
5. i am intensely and ridiculously passionate and gush excitement about all kinds of crazy, minute intricacies of life. 'tis my child-like quality that i never plan to part with
6. i can recite the alphabet backwards. and quickly. i'll challenge you.
7. i have a deep sense of knowing about certain things, that i neither need proof of, or approval of by anyone.
8. i am currently beginning to examine what freedom and commitment mean to me. i hope to get really clear about my needs and desires, and to one day be as comfortable lavishing someone else with as much freedom as i need and want for myself
9. i've never had a desire to marry or bear a child. however, i'm not closed off to the possibility of the transition of this desire (** i added this second sentence later, and i don't know if its truly because i feel this way, or if its because i fear no one will ever understand me or love me because of it)
10. looking back on recent transitions, i think that i have liberated myself from being my own worst enemy.
11. i have an intense connection to spanish culture, and it is a life goal of mine to both be fluent in the language, and to spend some time in a spanish speaking culture and country.
12. i want exactly four things in my future dream home: a wall of books, a spiral staircase, a window seat, and an excellent, oversized, old fashioned tub.
13. i one day hope to have enough space and time in my life for a golden retriever. his full name will be ignatius j reilly, after my favorite literary character, and i'll refer to him as iggy for short.
14. i hope that i am able to provide the world and its residents with as much beauty, awe, inspiration, and transformative power as it instills within me.
15. i am, by far, the happiest i've ever been in my life. (and i know in my heart, it only gets better from here)
16. i am very prejudiced when it comes to writing pens. blue and ballpoint, all the way.
17. i've realized that its not necessary for others to accept me for who i am... i've learned to love and celebrate myself; others just seem to follow
18. the sky and all its inhabitants have always and will always be ceaselessly perplexing to me.
19. i am blessed with the gift of bizarrely beautiful friends. i am truly surrounded with the top knotch souls on this planet. and the circle keeps expanding.
20. i am moved to tears by nature, or some aspect of existence within, on a daily basis.
21. i hope that others find me as beautiful, fascinating, and inspirational as i find them.
22. my sense of inadequacy and insecurity has diminished radically. i've always blamed the combined existence on my father. that too is diminishing.
23. i've come to the understanding that there is no such thing as absolute truth, true love, or a right way to live. each person creates their own truth, and no one can live anyone else's truth.
24. i have figured out that my unquenchable excitement many times develops into expectations, which then lead to disappointment and heartache. i'm working on figuring out how to de-link the two. i think that this realization is step one.
25. i am consistently awed by the presence of synchronicity on this journey... and i revel in all of the serendipitous experiences and souls that i meet on my walk down this long and beautiful path.
Rules: Once you've read this.... respond with your random 25, if you feel so compelled. i'm only asking because i'm incessantly interested in engulfing myself in you ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. i was named by a random stranger who appeared to console my unmarried, teenage, distraught mother who was crying on a park bench on long island. according to her, he was an angel. and i believe her
2. i am consistently fascinated with the ability of my mind and heart to possess a flamboyant idea/desire, and then run for the hills with it
3. i will one day obtain a PhD. i have absolutely no time frame or course of action for said endeavor. it is also no attempt at notariety, other than to further my goal of life-long learning, and to be able to share that with others.
4. over the last year and a half, i've unintentionally created this sunday-is-do-nothing-but-pleasurable-laziness-day. i plan on keeping this.
5. i am intensely and ridiculously passionate and gush excitement about all kinds of crazy, minute intricacies of life. 'tis my child-like quality that i never plan to part with
6. i can recite the alphabet backwards. and quickly. i'll challenge you.
7. i have a deep sense of knowing about certain things, that i neither need proof of, or approval of by anyone.
8. i am currently beginning to examine what freedom and commitment mean to me. i hope to get really clear about my needs and desires, and to one day be as comfortable lavishing someone else with as much freedom as i need and want for myself
9. i've never had a desire to marry or bear a child. however, i'm not closed off to the possibility of the transition of this desire (** i added this second sentence later, and i don't know if its truly because i feel this way, or if its because i fear no one will ever understand me or love me because of it)
10. looking back on recent transitions, i think that i have liberated myself from being my own worst enemy.
11. i have an intense connection to spanish culture, and it is a life goal of mine to both be fluent in the language, and to spend some time in a spanish speaking culture and country.
12. i want exactly four things in my future dream home: a wall of books, a spiral staircase, a window seat, and an excellent, oversized, old fashioned tub.
13. i one day hope to have enough space and time in my life for a golden retriever. his full name will be ignatius j reilly, after my favorite literary character, and i'll refer to him as iggy for short.
14. i hope that i am able to provide the world and its residents with as much beauty, awe, inspiration, and transformative power as it instills within me.
15. i am, by far, the happiest i've ever been in my life. (and i know in my heart, it only gets better from here)
16. i am very prejudiced when it comes to writing pens. blue and ballpoint, all the way.
17. i've realized that its not necessary for others to accept me for who i am... i've learned to love and celebrate myself; others just seem to follow
18. the sky and all its inhabitants have always and will always be ceaselessly perplexing to me.
19. i am blessed with the gift of bizarrely beautiful friends. i am truly surrounded with the top knotch souls on this planet. and the circle keeps expanding.
20. i am moved to tears by nature, or some aspect of existence within, on a daily basis.
21. i hope that others find me as beautiful, fascinating, and inspirational as i find them.
22. my sense of inadequacy and insecurity has diminished radically. i've always blamed the combined existence on my father. that too is diminishing.
23. i've come to the understanding that there is no such thing as absolute truth, true love, or a right way to live. each person creates their own truth, and no one can live anyone else's truth.
24. i have figured out that my unquenchable excitement many times develops into expectations, which then lead to disappointment and heartache. i'm working on figuring out how to de-link the two. i think that this realization is step one.
25. i am consistently awed by the presence of synchronicity on this journey... and i revel in all of the serendipitous experiences and souls that i meet on my walk down this long and beautiful path.
Monday, January 19, 2009
wonderful quote
a friend of mine heard this quote from his fourteen year old student. i think it accurately and pertinently represents this spirit of change:
"Rosa sat so Martin could walk.
Martin walked so Obama could run.
Obama ran so that all of us can fly."
"Rosa sat so Martin could walk.
Martin walked so Obama could run.
Obama ran so that all of us can fly."
Sunday, January 18, 2009
love will come set me free...
i cant figure out how to turn the video, but do believe it makes its point despite
Saturday, January 17, 2009
lyrics, inspired by such
.... so i remembered this song as i was posting the previous blog..... and i wanted to share the lyrics.
Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know theres much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now Im standing here
My hearts so full, I cant explain
Seeking faith and speakin words
I never thought Id say
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
They dont always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Cant see the way, get through the rain
A small but still, resilient voice
Says hope is very near
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
Somehow you will
You will when you believe
you will when you believe
Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know theres much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now Im standing here
My hearts so full, I cant explain
Seeking faith and speakin words
I never thought Id say
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
They dont always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Cant see the way, get through the rain
A small but still, resilient voice
Says hope is very near
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
Somehow you will
You will when you believe
you will when you believe
you will when you believe...
okay... so all of you know that if there's anything i'm not... it's religious. however, i was truly moved by this art project which i saw at the church where i do group, created by children, but left for everyone to participate. i'm all about learning through children, and the power of belief, and the power of the younger generation. when i saw this project, i was moved to tears, and i was prompted to not only document it, but also to participate, and also to consider starting future projects of the sort.
(my contribution is added in the photos below... but the question remains...)
so..... what are you believing for in 2009??
(my contribution is added in the photos below... but the question remains...)
so..... what are you believing for in 2009??
Friday, January 16, 2009
blurb
i'm thinking i need to be done with labels.
they're constricting, confining, and lead to a sense of expectation.
plus, who are we to define anything?!
i sit here and ponder.... how strange it is to be "anything" at all.
just a thought.
they're constricting, confining, and lead to a sense of expectation.
plus, who are we to define anything?!
i sit here and ponder.... how strange it is to be "anything" at all.
just a thought.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
stolen from sami...... nonetheless pertinent
so while thinking about all of the things for which i am truly blessed and thankful for, i came across a dear friends blog in which she had posed a writing exercise prompting others to make a list of about twenty things to share..... some of your most favorite things in the world. however minute, however random, however important, however huge. i was inspired to create my own list of twenty, which i have decided to share here with you. please do the same, if you feel so inspired.
love and light!,
sarah
-staying in pajamas all day
-getting excited about everything like a kid
-jamcruise
-walking ceaselessly, with no path in mind (looking forward to this LOTS in san francisco)
-any excuse to costume
-traveling far and wide, literally and in my mind
-outdoor music festivals
-wonderous celestial events
-tubing
-laying around all day watching movies and doing nothing
-going out dancing with my ladies
-climbing random cheese (<~~~ha! i meant to write trees! i guess i have cheese on the brain!)
-outdoor markets
-getting creatively inspired
-long, sexy make out sessions
-soaking up sun, preferably in a tropical location
-curling up in a tub with a book, a bowl, and a cold cup of fresh oj
-being completely, ridiculously passionate
-falling in love with someone or something new everyday
-awareness of the beauty and intricacies of synchronistic life unfolding
love and light!,
sarah
-staying in pajamas all day
-getting excited about everything like a kid
-jamcruise
-walking ceaselessly, with no path in mind (looking forward to this LOTS in san francisco)
-any excuse to costume
-traveling far and wide, literally and in my mind
-outdoor music festivals
-wonderous celestial events
-tubing
-laying around all day watching movies and doing nothing
-going out dancing with my ladies
-climbing random cheese (<~~~ha! i meant to write trees! i guess i have cheese on the brain!)
-outdoor markets
-getting creatively inspired
-long, sexy make out sessions
-soaking up sun, preferably in a tropical location
-curling up in a tub with a book, a bowl, and a cold cup of fresh oj
-being completely, ridiculously passionate
-falling in love with someone or something new everyday
-awareness of the beauty and intricacies of synchronistic life unfolding
musings for a new era....
so other than this massive sickness i have managed to acquire as a result of incessant, non-stop partying, dancing, music and people lovin', and traveling..... i am absolutely having the best time of my life.
i can not even adequately begin to attempt to express in words what this year has been so far to me. the new year was rung in with lovely friends and fabulous times.... followed by a low key week of work, after which i headed down to south florida for ten days of favorite soulmates, music galore, costuming, incessant dancing, beautiful people all around.... and finding my true home among the tunes, souls, and family of jam cruise. so many memories that will stay with me forever... spending days causing shennanigans, laughing and dancing til it hurts too much to stop, befriending some of the most amazing people and musicians i have ever had the blessing of encountering..... it truly is heaven in my eyes.
i knew that 2009 was going to be the year for me. i feel blessed and inspired... knowing that everything is falling into place, doors are opening, and the light is emblazoning the path laid out before me. it also doesn't hurt that i have found completely inspiring employment opportunities, and met at least a dozen of the coolest, most fun, down to earth and awesome group of san franners who have offered to take me into their arms, introduce me to this fabulous city, and plug me into the local scene and music.
ah, music. it really is my life. i was really happy to have been able to have my mom come down to open grass festival and experience what i find to be the single most important passion of my life. outdoors, good souls, art, music, costumes, tears, hooping, babies, face painting, good loving.
i really am the most blessed girl in the entire world. lots and lots of photos and updates to come.
i can not even adequately begin to attempt to express in words what this year has been so far to me. the new year was rung in with lovely friends and fabulous times.... followed by a low key week of work, after which i headed down to south florida for ten days of favorite soulmates, music galore, costuming, incessant dancing, beautiful people all around.... and finding my true home among the tunes, souls, and family of jam cruise. so many memories that will stay with me forever... spending days causing shennanigans, laughing and dancing til it hurts too much to stop, befriending some of the most amazing people and musicians i have ever had the blessing of encountering..... it truly is heaven in my eyes.
i knew that 2009 was going to be the year for me. i feel blessed and inspired... knowing that everything is falling into place, doors are opening, and the light is emblazoning the path laid out before me. it also doesn't hurt that i have found completely inspiring employment opportunities, and met at least a dozen of the coolest, most fun, down to earth and awesome group of san franners who have offered to take me into their arms, introduce me to this fabulous city, and plug me into the local scene and music.
ah, music. it really is my life. i was really happy to have been able to have my mom come down to open grass festival and experience what i find to be the single most important passion of my life. outdoors, good souls, art, music, costumes, tears, hooping, babies, face painting, good loving.
i really am the most blessed girl in the entire world. lots and lots of photos and updates to come.
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