san fran, so far

familiarity:


patalones por mujeres like me :)



old and cold


what the???






afternoon at mission delores, and its cemetery










the women's building


my first PO box and san francisco address


my new 'hood




new abode, to march and beyond....



balmy alley murals:

adieu florida

this is what happens when you don't sleep for a couple of weeks...


decomposing lizard


adios to the spanish moss


don't piss off the faeries ;)


sidewalk lover


cake police


covered


cutie cabbage patch


cafe con leche

new soundtrack to a new life

okay let me start by saying its 1:43 (which has all kinds of recent significance). this was posted to me by sami.... and although i did it a long time ago, i was wasting time online and figured i might as well do it again. new ipod. new city. new life.
(p.s. so many of the tracks were listed as "track" or i wasn't familiar, so i ended up looking up many lyrics. quite pertinent. so i've decided to blog the lyrics to those tracks which have them..... <*note*: i think it's really interesting where all the instrumentals came in>)
anywhooooo.... i left it up to the shuffle and here's what i came up with:

Opening Credits: Not Dead Yet, the Weepies

It's hard to say what you mean to me
Everyone is scenery
So you take a late night drive alone
Trying to get home

Oh come on, come on, come on
Give me a sign of life
'Cause there's another way that I'd rather be
If I could only get you alone
It's an inside joke that I never get
And I'm dying inside but I'm not dead yet

Everyone is beautiful, traffic like a funeral
And everybody tries to keep in touch
Through the radio

Oh come on, come on, come on
Give me a sign of life
'Cause there's another way that I'd rather be
If I could only get you alone
It's an inside joke that I never get
And I'm dying inside but I'm not dead yet

I guess you'd say you still are mine
Never mind the years of waste time
I'll see you much later on
After everybody else is gone

Wasted on a Saturday, join the Great Majority
With all the ways I tried to keep in touch
That you will never know

Oh come on, come on, come on
Give me a sign of life
'Cause there's another way that I'd rather be
If I could only get you alone
It's an inside joke that I never get
And I'm dying inside but I'm not dead yet


First Day at School: Fool, Neutral Milk Hotel
(instrumental)

Falling in Love: Rorol, The Octopus Project
(instrumental)

Fight Song: Please Be Patient With Me, Wilco

I should warn you
When I'm not well
I can't tell
Oh, there's nothing I can do
To make this easier for you

You're gonna need to be patient with me

I'm this apple, this happening stone
When I'm alone
Oh, but my blessings get so blurred
At the sound of your words

I'm gonna need you to be patient with me

How can I warn you when my tongue turns to dust
Like we've discussed
It doesn't mean that I don't care
It means I'm partially there

You're gonna need to be patient with me


Break Up: Sunrise, Yeasayer

It all started with a stumble
And I get old and I get humble
The sky cracked a million ways
Making me blind

And as the trees grew higher and higher
And the fish began to fly
I went and stole some wings
And thought why can't I

Get in the sunrise
I want to get in the sunrise

Put the world upon your shoulder
I'll stay young while I watch everyone getting older
You can take a million years
Out of my head

But I'm starting to lose my place
In the circles that I trace
And if I let go only then
Will my face

Get in the sunrise
I want to get in the sunrise


Prom: She's Fine, Christie Lenee
(forgive me if some of these are wrong. listening and typing the words as i go)

she exists in a haze
crawling through her mind's maze
trying to break the barriers
she doesn't know how she got in here
hopin' for an exit line around the corner
next light, around the corner
she feels like backing up
wheelin' her legs
like a roadrunners coyote
bustin' through the walls
under the shadows of cold stone stairways
she's painting a white door
she's looking inside, inside herself
she's looking inside, inside herself
and she finds
she finds, she finds, she finds
she doesn't know she finds
she finds, she finds
the woman is lost, she finds
she finds, she finds....

she's been a multi-roled actress
playing parts of other characters
its like she's always on stage
and i don't know which play i'm watching anymore
but she's a one woman show
and i've seen this developing story
i've seen it grow
and she's grown
she's grown, she's grown, she's grown
into something she doesn't know
she's grown, she grows, she grows......

and i'm her guide
like virgil in dante's inferno
and i'm here
to hold out my hand
'cause she's lost and needs a little direction
to find herself
to find herself in the light.....

she's looking inside, inside herself
she finds, she finds, she finds
herself in the light she finds
she finds, she finds, she finds
hope in love she finds
the inspirtation, she finds
she's fine, she's fine...
she's fine....


Life: Pig, Dave Matthews Band

Oh, isn't it strange
How we move our lives for another day?
Like skipping a beat
What if a great wave should wash us all away?
Just thinking out loud
Don't mean to dwell on this dying thing
But look at my blood
It's alive right now,
And deep and sweet within
Pouring through our veins
Intoxicate moving wine to tears
And drinking it deep
Then an evening spent dancing
It's you and me...

This love will open our world
From the dark side we can see a glow of something bright
Oh, there's much more than we see here
Don't burn the day away

Is this not enough?
This blessed sip of life,
Is it not enough?
Staring down at the ground
Oh, then complain and pray for more from above,
You greedy little pig
Stop, just watch your world trickle away
Oh, it's your problem now
It'll all be dead and gone in a few short years

Just love will open our eyes
Just love will put the hope back in our minds
Much more than we could ever know
Oh, so don't burn the day away
Don't burn the day away

Come sister, my brother
Shake up your bones, shake up your feet
I'm saying open up
And let the rain come pouring in
Wash out this tired notion
That the best is yet to come
But while you're dancing on the ground
Don't think of when you're gone

Love, love, love, what more is there?
'Cause we need the light of love in here
Don't beat your head
Dry your eyes
Let the love in there
There's bad times
But that's okay
Just look for love in it

And don't burn the day away...

Look, here are we
On this starry night, staring into space
And I must say
I feel as small as dust lying down here

What point could there be troubling?
Head down wondering what will become of me?
Why concern "WHAT" we cannot see
But no reason to abandon it
The time is short but that's all right
Maybe I'll go in the middle of the night
Take your hands from your eyes, my love
All good things must come to an end some time
But don't burn the day away
Don't burn the day away...

Come sister, my brother
Shake up your bones, shake up your feet
I'm saying open up
And let the rain come flooding in
Wash out this tired notion
That the best is yet to come
But while you're dancing on the ground
Don't think of when you're gone

Love, love, love, what more is there?
'Cause we need the light of love in here
Don't beat your head
Dry your eyes
Let the love in there
There're bad times
But that's okay
Just look for love in it


Mental Breakdown: In and Out, Feist

Baby, I can't figure it out
Your kisses taste like honey
Sweet lies don't gimme no rise up
Fool, what you're trying to do

Livin' on your cheatin'
and the pain grows inside me
It's enough to leave me crying in the rain
Love you forever but you're driving me insane
And I'm hanging on
Oh, oh, oh, oh

I'll wait, I'll never give in
Our love has got the power
Too many lovers in one lifetime
Ain't good for you
You treat me like a vision in the night
Someone there to stand behind you
When your world ain't working right
I ain't no vision, I'm the girl
who loves you inside and out
Backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out
I love no other way
What are we gonna do if we lose that fire?

Wrap myself up and take me home again
Too many heartaches in one lifetime ain't good for me
You figure it's the love that keeps you warm
Let this moment be forever
We won't ever feel the storm
I ain't no vision, I'm the girl
Who loves you inside and out
Backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out
I love no other way
What are we gonna do if we lose that fire?

Don't try to tell me that it's over
I can't hear a word I can't hear a line
No girl could love you more
And that's what I'm cryin' for
You can't change the way I feel inside

You're the reason for my laughter and my sorrow
Blow out the candle I will burn again tomorrow
No man on earth can stand between my loving arms
And no matter how you hurt me, I will love you till I die

I ain't no vision, I'm the girl
Who loves you inside and out
Backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out
I love no other way
What are we gonna do if we lose that fire?

Loves you inside and out
Backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out
I love no other way
What are we gonna do if we lose that fire


Driving: Do, The White Stripes

well somebody walked up to me
but i didn't know what to do
and then somebody said hello to me
but i didn't know what to do
because i think that my words could get
twisted so i bend my back over take a
gulp be funny cause i know there's nothing i can do

then my mother tried to pick me up
when i was sittin' down on the ground
something forced my little eyes come open
but i couldn't make out the sound
it doesn't matter cause my eyes are lying
and they don't have emotion
don't wanna be social, can't take it when they hate me
but i know there's nothing i can do

when my thoughts start to feel like mine
they're taken from me it seems to happen every time
and the feelings that are fine for you
there's somebody there
who doesn't think they are true
so think of something new
there's nothing left to do

and then my idols walk next to me
i look up at them they fade away
it's a destruction of a mystery
the more i listen to what they say
so does that mean that there's no more doin'
and there's no more thinkin'
and there's no more feeling
cause there's no right opinion
so can you tell me what i'm supposed to do



Flashback: You are My Love, Motet does Jamiroquai

Oh, let me tell you a little story about a heartbreaker.
Honey, I don't know why you treat me so bad,
Well I tried so hard to make you see it my way,
Just think of all the good times we had.
But still you only ever want to fight with me.

We got to split apart before we kill
And start to put our minds together
We got to change this hell for leather world
And I will find myself another girl.
We got to put our weapons down.
And spread a little love around.

You know
You are my love
You are my love
Oh, yes you are
You are my love
You are my love

Ain't you the girl who did me wrong behind my back
And tried to keep me double booked
We never seem to cross the tracks
And there's so much that you over-looked about me girl,
Remember, sat down pretty on the windowsill,
And made me swallow on your bitter pill,
You thought the grass was greener over there,
While serpents snaked around your hair,
So pour a vitriolic coffee cup
And use your blackened heart to fill it up,
Well, now honey we got to put our weapons down
And spread a little love around.

You know
You are my love
You are my love
Oh, yes you are
You are my love
Yes you are
You are my love
You are my love
I want you girl
I need you so
Now we know that
It's no secret
You are my love
You are my world
Light my shwdows
Fill the heavens with stars

You are my love
You are my love
You are my lover
I need you
I want you
Don't let me go
I need you so
Don't let me go
I need you so
Don't let me go
I need you so


Getting Back Together: Part One of The Cowboy Trilogy, Sean Lennon

She left me just the other night
Came back the very next day
I decided to drink some wine
Cause I couldn't get my way
Oh I said I'm gonna leave
But I guess I'm gonna stay

If I was a rooster
I would cockadoodle all day
If I was an eagle
I would try to fly away
Oh I said I'm gonna leave
But I guess I'm gonna stay

How come you never know
What it is I'm trying to say?
How come it's freezing cold
When we're in the month of May?
Oh I said I'm gonna leave
But I guess I'm gonna stay


Wedding: When I Come Back Around, Jamie Lidell

Long days and lonely nights
Makes the morning seem so bright
But when my feet they hit the ground
I know that I'm safe and sound

My foolish acts I don't have to be
More than just a memory
When I come on back around
It's the new me coming through, I feel

When I come back around
Wake up and look all around
When I come back around
Wake up and look all around
When I come back around
Wake up and look all around
When I come back around
Wake up and look all around

Don't ask me why I do that stuff
Take it too far it's never enough
Spiraling self loathing styles
Hanging out
With audiophiles
But when I start to wake
From the hypnogagic state
Feel that I can see the light
Come on up from day to night

When I come back around
Wake up and look all around
When I come back around
Wake up and look all around
When I come back around
Wake up and look all around
When I come back around
Wake up and look all around

But when I start to wake
From the hypnogogic state
Feel that I can see the light
Come on up from day to night

When I come back around
Wake up and look all around
When I come back around
Wake up and look all around
When I come back around
Wake up and look all around


Birth of Child: Fancy Claps, Wolf Parade

I'll be home
When hair has fallen out
We'll be home
When it reaches the ground
We'll be home
We'll be home
Then

We can sing
Two cracks in the crossbeams
We can sing
Very, very quietly
We can sing
We can sing for each other

Until then don't tear your hair out
I won't tear it out if you don't

When I die, I'm leaving you my feet
When you die, you can stand up for me
We can lie in a homemade canoe
You can put me in your hair
I'll be happy there

oh oh
oh oh
oh oh

We'll be home
When my hair has fallen out
We'll be home
When we've picked it up off the ground
We'll be home then
We'll be home then
We can sing and
We'll be home then



Final Battle: The Golden Band, The American Analog
(instrumental)

Death Scene: [Untitled],Akron Family

as time slowly goes by
there's never a next time
there's only a this time

this time around

as time slowly goes by
there's a never a next time
there's only a this time

this time around
this time around
this, this time around


Funeral Song: The People of the Secret, The Helio Sequence

Twenty years of living underground
Twenty years of living in the books
Well see the sun and drink the light of day
We used to be the people of the secret
But the secret is out now

Sugar dreams from bitter brains uh huh
Saccharine words from twisted tongues oh no
Well turn my back on everything larger than life
We used to be the people of the secret
But the secret is out now

Rain rain gone away
Wake up now to a brand new day
Pain pain washed away
Pave the way for a brand new day

Twenty years of living underground
Twenty years of living in the books
Turn my back on everything larger than life
We used to be the people of the secret
But the secret is out now

I'm not there
You're nowhere
We don't care about the other ones

I don't want to say we don't care

There's too many people talkin' 'bout nonsense
A dollar for your pleasure a slogan for obedience
There are so many ways they catch you in the bind
A dollar for your pleasure a dollar for your mind

Rain rain gone away
Wake up now to a brand new day
Pain pain washed away
Pave the way for a brand new day

Turn my back on everything larger than life
I don't want to turn my back on everything larger than life


End Credits: ballad of lemons, Blonde Redhead
(instrumental)

temerarious

tis my new self describing adjective.

i do believe its ideally appropo. if you don't know what it means, look it up. i had never even heard of the word until last week, and i think it pertinently represents some recent actions of mine..... so it resonates pretty damn perfectly.

so i'm finishing up here.... technically, since its after midnight i guess you could consider this my final day in florida. the last week has brought with it so many wonderful, tumultuous, and indescribable experience. tears of joy and ecstasy, the frustration of being let down by members of humanity, a feeling of simultaneous longing, letting go, transition, strife, angst, disappointment, awe, excitement, overjoy, despair, movement, ecstasy, misunderstanding, confusion...... what a time indeed!

so as i close this chapter, i do not look back in anger, but around in awareness. a recent emotional battle which has seemingly overridden my psyche has caused me to feel a sense of negativity and ill feelings towards someone with whom i was very recently enthralled with. whose presence was one of indescribable and unexpected urgency. and i felt a deep loss and disappointment when it seemed to suddenly backfire and blow up in my face. a close friend of mine, whom i usually disapprove of for his overly analytical psychological perspective and diagnoses (he's got a masters in psych, so can't really help it) hit the nail on the head when he proposed the theory that maybe i was putting so much energy and emotion into this specific situation and person to distract me from everything else that was going on in my immensely transitory state. and he was right on. however, despite the diagnosis, the fact that i just got my period, the full moon of last week..... i desperately wish i could have some closure with this situation to rid myself of the bad taste which is lingering in my mouth...... ah, the joys of passion.

on a lighter note, i've had several of the most consecutively amazing and enticing days of my life. being painted in an art show (http://picasaweb.google.com/sarah.e.wells/lovesexthemuse), saying goodbye to friends, sexy moments with long time desires coming into fruition, and some much needed but highly unexpected closure with the most overriding love of my life thusfar. ended my love affair with saint petersburg, where my heart has resided for some time, and where it will always have a home.

last night, i had my first cake fight and it was completely heavenly. i don't think i've had that much fun or laughed that hard in a while.

so here i come san francisco. you better be ready for me, as i am so damn ready for you. cheers to love, to life, to moving on, and to drinking in all it has to offer.

witching hour musings....

my eyes welled up with tears, as the pertinently pained and pensive moon shone down upon the slick and still waters of the bay, which i have known so long, but which will soon be a distant memory...... moonbeams glided along the still surface and i found myself simultaneously longing and letting go... drifting and dancing with the light atop the glistening surface....the eerie light reflecting off of the dark water, and of the water pooling within my dark eyes.

random last minute florida funnies

random chik-fil-a sign that made me snort up my icedream on break from one of my elementary schools



really, REALLY wanted to take a photo of the camouflaged man comin' out of this beast. had a strong feeling he might be a card carrying member of the NRA. but couldn't resist when i saw the back.

awakening....

it had been a long time since i dreamed of him. i don't know if i had ever dreamt about him, so symbolically and so cryptically.

i was walking in a cemetery, and i was passing his headstone to my right. i knew that he was alive, living in the same hotel/apt building as myself across this street. he had a plot here, with his name already on it, for some day in the future. i noticed there was a package and a large pad of drawing paper. i figured the post man had dropped it here when he couldn't get into the building. i noticed it as i walked past with my two male companions. usually, i tried not to look at his grave as i walked through the cemetery.

we walked for a while longer, and decided to turn around. the sky was grey, and there was an storm in the distance. i mentioned something about bringing this package to his door. well, be careful, warned one of my companions, and be quiet. i mentioned the fact that i was only going to drop it off, but heeded the warning for silence. scooping the packages, i crossed the street and made my way into the building, cool drizzle beginning to hit my face. the first couple of elevators i tried would only go to floor 1, 2, and 20. so after some time and manuevering, i found one that would go to level 5. others kept joining at the last minute, prohibiting my ascension. one woman came in with two babies, and asked me if she could store them a certain way in their strollers. at first, i thought she might have mistaken me for a worker, but my reflection in the mirror showed i was in workout clothes, and drenched with sweat. i informed her that i had no clue about babies. she asked me to help her choose a lipgloss from the in-elevator store instead.

everyone had left the elevator, at all levels, before i did... and i was having trouble getting to 5. i was stuck on 8 for a while. when i finally made it to 5, i heard shuffling and whistling, and i panicked thinking it was him. i had dropped the package, so i went to pick it up. as the doors opened, i realized that i wasn't very clear on which apartment number was his. had it really been so long since we were together? it seemed like only yesterday....

i was immediately in a lobby and strolling first past a bar, when i saw him seated there in an orange shirt. i realized he was sitting between two girls, so as much as i wanted to use this as an excuse to approach him, i didn't want to interrupt his date. in my passing, i saw that one of the women, whom he seemed to be seated behind on a stool, was in fact leaning over the bar and wearing a headset. she was an employee. but there was one other woman, seated to his left..... and although his stoic stance made me questions whether they were there together, i decided not to risk it.

so i started walking towards the hallway, confident i would find my way to his door by memory. the floor opened up into a sort of ballroom. "Hey Sarah!", i heard someone call out, from a long table holding about a dozen or fifteen people or so. it was adam, a good friend of his, with whom i had lost touch since our breakup, due to a sticky incident. he was older looking and his hair was greying. He didn't ask what i was doing on this floor. He did ask if i possibly wanted to get lunch on monday, before i left and all. I agreed. Just then, another man walked up behind me, full of stature, purple and glory. His name was Jon, and although i recognized him, he didn't seem to fit with the group at the table. His eyes were full of longing, and he pulled me into his massive embrace to tell me that he had missed me so. i asked if they were there for a wedding and i was told that "urn and rebecca" had gotten engaged.

i realized as i strutted away that i was no longer wearing my workout clothes, but a form fitting purple shirt, my favorite skirt, and kitten heels. as i made my way down the hallways, strange music was errupting over the next ballroom and it looked like a sort of chinese prom, only some of the girls were carrying parasols.

i thought of going back to the bar to make a joke of it, and remind him of our time there.

i immediately awoke in bed. i wondered what time it was, and thought.... if i look at my clock and have enough time to go back to sleep, i will try to go back and give him the package. i picked up my phone to check the time, and as i hit the first button, my alarm went off.

how do i wanna feel??... i wonder....

transcribed from my bathtub journal entry:

i wish sometimes that i was less quick to frustrate when it comes to my impatience

especially when it comes to my emotions and my perception of people toying with them.
i really respect dorian's musing that "it is really none of my business what others think of me."
i wish i could legitimately hone in and ascertain that endeavor for myself. feels like something that will take some work.
in the meantime, i've decided to forgo superbowl mania and girl on girl on girl on joel boating time to instead make sunday the lazy, pensive, creative day it is supposed to be.

more development on my dreaming tree. i've brought down the moon with a rainbow, "electric feel"-esque aura and stuck it in its rightful place, high in the sky in the upper right of the canvas. the tree itself was starting to look less and less 3-dimensional with the swirly buildup of the background color... and although i was slightly discouraged when my attempt to highlight the large face turned into a resemblance of george washington, i forged a creative breakthrough... i'm going to collect small twigs from special places and use them to build up the tree. i think it will make a beautiful addition to this newly mixed media creation. think i'm actually going to spring myself from the tub momentarily to request a twig donation from my ethereal relatives in the northeast, and maybe a special twig or two from a special twig on an island off the coast of spain... :)

3 pages left in my journal...

and a photo of the newly added electric feel moon, perched high above my dreaming tree...



and a couple more photos, as i promised but have not been producing:


heather and my legs, awaiting the arrival of chelsea love at the airport. as the universe would have it, we were unintentionally in the same place at the same time.


my favorite little boy in St Pete, Amai, drum master and child muse, playing himself silly at my favorite little saturday morning market. (i swear i would produce children if they were guaranteed to come out just like him...)
downtown st pete. yesterday.