so it's halfway til one in the morning here. i'm lying on my stomach, pondering, listening to the accordian player who lives next door resonate through the walls...and i'm crying again.

i find myself in a familiar place.... a similar landscape, except this time, my awareness allowed me to see the path before making the long and painstaking climb to the top only to fall off the precipice.

only its different now. as much as these tears smear my cheeks, and as painful as parting can be, the truth of the matter is that i'm compiling my wings, feather by feather.... forming this cocoon, strand by strand. but i will no longer crawl. i will no longer be encased. i will spend some solitary time in the darkness, and i will emerge, wings spread, full flight, taking to the air with the shimmering gorgeousness of the suns reflection .... smiling down on me as it says.... "see little one. i told you that you were a butterfly. in your heart you knew it all along. and now, you shall never return to the ground, for it is your turn to fly"

i'm going to sleep on this for tonight. there is much to be written, but it will have to wait until tomorrow.
in the meantime, to prevent this from happening in my life, i'm going to quote bukowski with each new person i meet. off the bat. and if they can't agree to it, well guess what?? these wings don't need anchors.
crawl on, oh earthbound ones. but this girl belongs to the sky.


"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise don't even start."

-Charles Bukowski